The Story of Three Women – no, Two Women- no, Mary Magdalene & the Easter Bunny


Matthew

Mark Luke

John

Dawn Just after sunrise Dawn Still dark
Two people – Mary Magdalene and the other Mary Three people – Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of James, and Salome Mary Magdalene, Joanna, Mary the mother of James, and the others with them Mary Magdalene
Earthquake, an Angel comes down  Women sees a young man dressed in a white robe sitting on the right side  Women sees two men in clothes that “gleamed like lightning” appears beside them
The Angel rolls the stone and sits on it Stone was rolled away / Open tomb Stone was rolled away / Open tomb Stone was rolled away / Open tomb
Women enter the tomb Women enter the tomb
The Angel tells the women “Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay. Then go quickly and tell his disciples: ‘He has risen from the dead and is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him.’ Now I have told you.” Messenger tells the women  “Don’t be alarmed,” he said. “You are looking for Jesus the Nazarene, who was crucified. He has risen! He is not here. See the place where they laid him.  But go, tell his disciples and Peter, ‘He is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him, just as he told you.’” Messengers tells the women “Why do you look for the living among the dead?  He is not here; he has risen! Remember how he told you, while he was still with you in Galilee:  ‘The Son of Man must be delivered over to the hands of sinners, be crucified and on the third day be raised again.’
Women leave the tomb to tell the disciples, afraid and joyful Women leave the tomb, trembling and bewildered Women leave to tell the apostles Magdalene leaves to tell Simon Peter and John
Jesus meets the women. Women “clasped his feet and worshipped him” Peter runs to the tomb and sees strips of linen. John outrun Peter and reached the tomb first, looked at the strips of linen. Simon Peter came behind and went in the tomb. John went in the tomb
Jesus tells the women to tell the disciples to go to Galilee to meet him Peter leaves John and Peter leave

So, what is it about these four similar events written by four different people that is so “breathtaking” by to so-called believers? The fact that eyewitness accounts are generally not reliable is taken into consideration, but the way the story is so skewed between four different points of view that are supposedly among best buddies is so strange.

Anyway, so there is the women wondering how to get the stone rolled out of place. Is it surprising that the cover of a tomb is removed? Yes. Is it possible? Yes. Can mere humans roll the stone out of place? YES. That takes away any divine intervention from the problem of the missing body of Jesus. If it was rolled in place by humans, then it can be rolled out of place by humans.

Another thing, so Jesus appeared out of nowhere later, with different accounts again between the four and between different people. So many things don’t match up, you can surely understand when you and your best buds go out drinking for the night and then wake up hammered and unable to remember things clearly and with your own different versions of what happened, but if you wake up beside someone you apparently banged, you can’t deny that cold hard truth that unless you’re 100% impotent or have been castrated, there’s a big chance you banged her.

Same with this missing body story. Dirty politicians are around today, who’s saying that all politicians/soliders before were clean? Maybe the one who poked him in the ribs or the one who checked on Jesus was in cahoots with him and they planned the whole thing. Sounds a little improbable but is still possible. All for the big ending that will end with the “LAAAAA!” divine resurrection. You can’t write that off because no one, as in, NO ONE, has evidence about what happened that day/days and time/times that will give you a sure-fire story you can stick with.

In the first place, instead of going about with the whole three days thing, the whole thing about crucifixion is that Romans did it and left the bodies in place so the crows and other random animals and bugs can eat the bodies out as a warning to any future detractors. Why take Jesus’ body down? Why did God not go about a more direct way and after the hordes stabbed him, suddenly blast his kid back to life and “LAAAAAA!” with all his divine light shining down focused from the clouds only on Jesus and all that aura, before an otherworldly display of power and might to ascend him into heaven as he did to some other prophet I cannot remember right now? So that, you know. it’s more believable than Jesus merely appearing to his chosen few and then walking out of the room before all the dumbfounded 11 got up and tried to chase after him.

So yes, Easter is here, and let’s go looking for purple eggs. ‘Cause, you know, the tradition for Easter Eggs and the Easter Rabbit is a pagan tradition that predates Christianity. As rabbits are fertility symbols and eggs the signal of new life or birth, they were celebrated to welcome the coming of spring. It’s another case of Christianity making holidays coincide so that they’d be assimilated into the people easier.

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