Are you ready for the Zombiepocalypse?

If you’re a commuter in Metro Manila, you might have seen Family Radio’s billboard and bus ads. If you have, then I guess you’ve heard of the ‘good news’ that the date of the apocalypse is May 21, 2011. Yes, the world is going to end… again… for the nth time. Family Radio is a radio station based in the US that is owned and operated by Harold Camping. They are a Christian group who is horny for the end of the world.

It is sad to see that a lot of people can be easily fooled by this. Even with all the knowledge mankind has acquired, some people will readily cast that aside to believe in fairy tales written by ignorant people thousands of years ago. It is scary to see that a religious group can easily manipulate and scare the living crap out of some people.

All I can say is that they are gullible fools. The world is going to end but not in the way they say it would.

Because everybody knows that the apocalypse will be zombie related. Ignorant fools. Haven’t they watched the movies and played the games? If you want to survive the zombie apocalypse, take note of the zombie survival guidelines below:

1. Guns

You will need something to defend yourself against the zombie horde. Killing them from a safe distant would be best for you. Don’t forget to aim for the head.

Double tap. Make sure that those zombies won’t come back to bite your ass. Some zombies are known to resurrect after a few days (3 days) or a few seconds.

2. Melee Weapon

Guns might be useful but you would want to have a machete, axe, chainsaw or a baseball bat when that gun of yours ran out of bullets or starts jamming.

3. Friends

It is nice to have an extra pair of eyes to guard your six or someone to use as bait. And surviving the apocalypse wouldn’t be fun without people to rule. >:))

4. Food, Water

Killing zombies is hard work. You’ll need all the energy you can get. Non-perishable foods are best suited for the zombie apocalypse. Supermarkets and malls are good places to forage for food and clothing. If you’re going to kill zombies, why not do it in style?

5. Medical Kit and Medicines

Screw the zombies. Having good friends that you can rely on is great but what if stupid a friend of yours accidentally shot you? Friendly fire is a real possibility my friend so it is wise to have a first-aid kit around. If medicines are running low, you can use herbs to patch yourself up to health.

6. Tools

Flashlights, flint/lighter, duct tape (this stuff can do wonders) and tool box (with tools of course). You’ll need to have the basic tools that can make your life easier now that civilization is back to the bronze age.

7. Wooden crucifix, iron nails and a hammer

It wouldn’t be a zombie apocalypse without a zombie boss. Everybody knows that. And who is the greatest zombie who ever lived? Yep! It’s Jeebus! He did rose from the dead, so technically he’s a zombie =p. Nailing Jeebus to a cross is the only way to stop him and survive the zombie apocalypse just like what the Jews did. Remember, always practice double tap. After nailing him to the cross you must shoot his head or put a nail through his head for good measure.

I shall rise to rid you of your brain

Zombies are real people. The Bible guarantees it. Jeebus’ full-on zombie invasion is nigh. Avoid the Vatican and graveyards. You don’t want to be in ground zero when the apocalypse happens. See you guys/gals on May 22, 2011 and happy hunting.

6 thoughts on “Are you ready for the Zombiepocalypse?

  1. finished reading for the 2nd time since published today, and still I can’t stop laughing.. lolz! and I love the image of zombie christ.. ^_^

    great! great! great! great job!

  2. Hahaha! I missed this post. Went to the beach. I forgot it was Rapture so I forgot the shotgun. hahahaha

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