Dear Lord God

by Godless Classless and Free

Dear Lord God,

I pray that Filipinos build more housing, water systems, irrigation, schools, bridges, labs, stadiums, universities, toilets, septage, sewerage, and other spiritually edifying structures instead of building useless churches. I pray that Filipinos this Sunday will go to the movies, gyms, libraries, parks, malls, parties, rallies, museums, restaurants, beaches, operas, concerts, fairs, hotels, motels and other spiritually enriching places and events instead of attending Holy Mass to listen to the useless opinions of fascist Catholic idiots.

– Godless Classless and Free

An Open Prayer to God

I just read that some Christians in Australia are very disappointed that their atheist Prime Mininster has not called upon the citizens to pray for help, given that a very strong cyclone is on its way to bring hell to the already devastated Queensland. Well, I really want to do my part to help the people down under and I thought the best way would be talk to God directly and offer the mother of all prayers to end all supplications.

Dear God,

Ever since humans roamed the Earth there’ve been hurricanes, floods, earthquakes, eruptions … you name it you created it. And since time immemorial humans have been praying to you to protect them, to spare them, to save them. Shouldn’t you know the routine by now? Aren’t you freaking nauseated with the same old requests over and over every single year from every single tribe and every single nation? So God, I pray, can you from now on just do your fuckin job without being asked to? Can you stop people from suffering unnecessarily, from being killed and rendered homeless by all these acts of yours? And by the way, I hate to bring this up — but someone’s got to be the harbinger of bad news —  your track record in both disaster prevention and emergency services has been truly and utterly dismal. So how about putting your shoulders to the wheel, ok? Thanks. And thank you too — as your beloved Ricky Gervais said —  for making me an atheist. Amen.