My dad said last Monday evening that the reason why the Philippines does not experience terrible disasters like what happened in Japan is because “Malakas daw tayo kay Lord.” [We are Lord’s favorite.]
This guide applies to theists who are unaffected by a recent and devastating natural disaster and can’t be bothered with empathy. Insert appropriate nouns for DISASTER, VICTIMS, DEITY, ADVOCACY, RANDOM REASON.
1. Thank deities that you and your family were spared. Make sure to emphasize how special and blessed your ass is unlike those poor sods the deities didn’t favor. Forget the other instances when you were affected by natural disasters.
“Thank DEITY our country was spared unlike VICTIMS who are suffering.” Continue reading
I just read that some Christians in Australia are very disappointed that their atheist Prime Mininster has not called upon the citizens to pray for help, given that a very strong cyclone is on its way to bring hell to the already devastated Queensland. Well, I really want to do my part to help the people down under and I thought the best way would be talk to God directly and offer the mother of all prayers to end all supplications.
Ever since humans roamed the Earth there’ve been hurricanes, floods, earthquakes, eruptions … you name it you created it. And since time immemorial humans have been praying to you to protect them, to spare them, to save them. Shouldn’t you know the routine by now? Aren’t you freaking nauseated with the same old requests over and over every single year from every single tribe and every single nation? So God, I pray, can you from now on just do your fuckin job without being asked to? Can you stop people from suffering unnecessarily, from being killed and rendered homeless by all these acts of yours? And by the way, I hate to bring this up — but someone’s got to be the harbinger of bad news — your track record in both disaster prevention and emergency services has been truly and utterly dismal. So how about putting your shoulders to the wheel, ok? Thanks. And thank you too — as your beloved Ricky Gervais said — for making me an atheist. Amen.